Why, Oh Why, Oh Why do we allow hoodies such freedom? Not only are they probably communists, but hoodies have this week been revealed as pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals.

If only the Government and the guacomole-munchers of Islington were a little less concerned with helping Johnny-foreigner and a little more concerned with the rights of the hard working majority of our glorious Nation, then perhaps hoodies would not get away with such treachery.

That certainly seems to be the opinion of Angela Merkel who this week said, "yet again these oafs have destroyed my evening.".

So, next time you are at a dinner party and the menu involves sun dried tomatoes, just consider whether you think that pleasuring themselves on the alters of our great cathedrals is acceptable behaviour.